Will it Matter in a Year from Now?

Sometimes, when a person gives us a piece of advice, we forget about it in an instant, even if it was useful. Other times though, we hear something that sticks with us forever. One of those times in my life was more than ten years ago. My working life then was in the law courts in Middlesbrough, and one of the people I frequently worked with was a child and family psychologist called Alan Bradley.

Sadly Alan is no longer with us, but he was liked and respected by everyone who knew him. Not only was he good at what he did, he also had a wicked sense of humour. He had faced all sorts of difficulties as a young man, but Alan did not believe in giving up. Not ever. He decided late on to have a complete change of career and study to become a psychologist, which he did, turning out to be one of the most respected psychologists in the region.

I have thought about Alan's example a lot recently as I am looking for a new direction in my own career. But what will also stay with me from Alan is some advice that he gave me once. We were chatting in the corridors of the law courts about something that had gone wrong that day. To be honest I can't even remember what it was, but it had put me in a bad mood.

Over a coffee, (hot chocolate for me) Alan listened to whatever I was talking about, and then asked "Will it mater in a year from now?"
"What?" I asked him back.
"The thing that's bothering you." he said. "I know it's put you in a bad mood today...but will you still be thinking about it in a year's time?"
I thought about this for a second.
"No. I won't." I then said. "I won't even remember it then."
"Not that important then," said Alan. "If it's not going to matter in a year's time, then it's not worth paying too much attention to now. Is it?"

He was right of course, and
I can't tell you how many times I have replayed that conversation in my head since then. After a complicated week, a couple of things happened yesterday which at the time started to feel more than a little annoying. And then I remembered Alan. Will those things matter in a year from now?  No. I won't even remember them then. So on that basis, I shouldn't waste my energy on them now either. I felt less irritated straightaway.

Thanks Alan.  Wherever you are....you won't ever be forgotten. It was great advice you gave me that day. Most things we stress about aren't really worth it. Only the important things are worth remembering. I hope you know that you, as well as the advice you gave so many people, are both on that list of important things.

Goodbye Lumia....

If there is one thing that annoys me, it's modern day mobile phones. We all know that if they just wanted to, phone companies could make a phone that would last twenty years. But of course that is not in their interests. They don't want people to buy one phone, they want us to buy hundreds of them.  So in a bid to make us all buy a new phone every few months, they make them so fragile that they now break in an instant.

The advent of "Modern technology" means that we no longer remember phone numbers, or write them down - but have them all stored on our phones. And most of us no longer have a land line at home. So when the phone breaks (which it will...) all the numbers are lost as well. Of course if we had written the numbers down first this wouldn't happen, but we dont bother....because why should we? They are all on the phone.... (thank God at least I keep an old-fashioned paper diary).

Having dropped (and obviously totally smashed) my Nokia Lumia phone this summer, I stupidly bought another one (which didn't work), this time with a protective case. However once Minttu got hold of my phone (yesterday) the "protective" case became irrelevant. Phone dropped. Phone smashed. All numbers lost. Again.

This was the last straw. I am now finished with Lumias and have switched to Galaxy. In the meantime however, having been too stupid to learn from my first mistake, I am now without all my phone numbers again.

So if you have called or sent a text over the past day...please don't think I am ignoring you. I'm not. I just can't access them and don't have anyone's numbers to reply anyway! (to those of you I know, please text or messgae me your numbers...)

Despite all this nonsense I am trying to look on the positive side. Having asked friends on Facebook to (re)-send me their numbers, I have already received several messages. And that, at least, has brightened up my evening. So although I will never rely on a Lumia again, I am sending my thanks to Nokia for forcing me to look on the bright side, and for indirectly improving my social life this dark November evening. Farewell to Lumia...and here's hoping to finally find some sunshine in the Galaxy.

Reassurance

I attended a lecture last week in which one of the topics was cultural differences - and particulalry how they can be seen through language and words. As someone who lives in a country where the language spoken is not my own mother tongue, I found this really interesting. It is true that quite often I find myself in a situation where I would like use Finnish to express something which is easy to say in English, but the right words just aren't there. And that's frustrating.

I've mentioned a few of these in previous posts. There is no word for "please" in Finnish, which is difficult enough for any non-Finn who has been brought up to be polite. There is also no obvious way to say "I'm impressed", which is something I have often used as an English reaction to hearing about someone else's achievement. Another lady at the lecture said she was frustrated that there wasn't an appropriate word in Finnish to express the word "cherish."  That wasn't one that I had missed personally, but she had been frustrated by the limitations of he own language on several occasions.

For me personally, the word that has bothered me the most is "reassurance". And particularly so this week. I mentioned at the lecture that there are not many English speaking women who at one time or another have not needed "reassurance", (at least the women I have met). But a good enough word for this just doesn't exist in Finnish. I have no idea why. One Finnish woman at the lecture said that in her view, Finnish women were strong and capable and didn't find themselves needing reassurance very often. Personally, I think that's a load of nonsense. I think almost all of us need reassurance from time to time, wherever we come from. Certainly women are more likely to say so out loud than men, but I don't believe that Finnish women are any more immune to needing reassurance that any other women are.

I have to admit that if I could get some reassurance from somewhere right now, I would do quite a lot in order to get it. I seem to be caught in a whirlwind of things I have no control over at the moment and I just want someone to give me a big hug and reassure me that everything will be ok. And I would like to be able to say that in Finnish without searching half an hour for the right word. Which doesn't exist.

Still, as I sit here looking out of the window into the garden, I was just about to write that at least our woodpecker has come back for a visit, and somehow that little thing is reassuring in itself. But just as I started to write the words - a second woodpecker appeared, which is rare indeed, and kind of symbolic right at this moment. Then my favourite garden bird, the jay (närhi), also appeared - so maybe someone is trying to tell me something.

I don't have the reassurance I need right now....in more than one area of my life. But I am fairly sure many of you will be feeling the same. Perhaps, for now, we need to believe that something or someone is taking care of us somewhere out there, however vulnerable we may feel at times. And while we wait for things we have no control over, it may do us good to concentrate on the things that are here, like the birds in the garden, or the fact that the sun is shining in November, or that a friend is never more than a phone call away. And if you are in a position to reassure someone you know...perhaps today would be a good day to do so. If they are Finnish and haven't said they need any, it's probably just because a good enough word doesn't exist yet.

Fighting the November blues

These days it's getting dark at four thirty. It's cold and wet and rainy and the summer has never felt further away. I know that many people find this time of year especially challenging and that the lack of light significantly affects their mood. I get that, I really do. But I think the right response has to be to find ways to brighten up the dullness of November.

My good friend Anne popped over this evening and brought some lovely scented candles with her. That was the first good thing. Then together we came up with a plan to invite some friends over later this week and celebrate life with some cake. Just because.

Then I got on the phone and started talking about ways in which we could have a fun weekend and also places we could go over the next few weeks.

We've already planned a night out dancing as well as a trip up north to see my Mum in Lumijoki and another trip in December to find some reindeer and chase the northern lights.

This weekend we are going to get some chips from Tapion grilli Somero and then eat them watching X factor with a fire blazing in the background. There are many things we can't control in life, and the November weather is one of them. But we can certainly control the way we respond to those things and this week I am determined not to be beaten by the November blues.

Tanja and Osku's November Wedding

The greyness of November was all forgotten yesterday evening when I was lucky enough to attend my good friend Tanja's wedding.

I met Tanja just under two years ago and we have been friends ever since. She and her fiance Osku did not want to have a traditional wedding, but wanted to take everyone by surprise. So they invited their friends and family to a joint "birthday party."  It was only after everyone had arrived (and wondered where the birthday boy and girl were), that the music changed to a wedding theme, the doors opened and Tanja appeared in her wedding dress with her father at her side.

One of the most touching moments was the personal promises the couple gave each other just before they exchanged rings. You could almost hear the tears drop in the background.

The colour theme for the event was black, white and red. Guests had been asked to wear black and white (which everyone did) and this served as a brilliant backdrop for the wedding party who all wore something red. Tanja herself had a sparkly red wedding dress on which suited her personality exactly.

The atmosphere during the evening was happy, relaxed and completely unique, which is exactly how I would describe Tanja and Osku themselves.

I know that I speak for everyone who was there as I wish both Tanja and Osku a very long and happy life together. Lots of love to you both from all of us!

Tanja just before being walked down the aisle by her father Risto

Red Nose Day

Somero Lions Club member Anja Kurvinen and Luca

As part of the Somero Lions Club, today we helped with the Red Nose Day collection which was taking place in S Market in the centre of town.

Red Nose Day has been going since 1985 in the UK and arrived in Finland seven years ago. Last year in the UK the total raised was over £108 million..the Brits are notoriously generous when it comes to giving to charity.

Of course the event is not just about giving money, its also about reminding all of us how lucky we are to have what we have. None of us had any control over the country we were born in, and for those of us who entered the world in a place where nobody needs to go hungry and everyone has access to medical care, a reminder of how blessed we are can only be a good thing.

Somero people were in a generous mood today and I feel fairly sure that Somero will have made a good contribution to Red Nose Day. But it still isn't enough. And as long as there are hungry people in the world, it means that none of us are doing enough. There is enough food and medicine in the world for everyone, so as long as people continue to die of starvation and preventable diseases, we can be sure that we are still getting it badly wrong. I know that many people would like to do more to help those in need and sometimes feel frustrated because they are not sure how they could best help. One of my dreams is to one day find a way to make giving easier, in a way that ensures the money gets to the people who rneed it the most. I also know that many of my friends share the same wish. Hopefully one day we will live in a world where no one needs to go hungry....now that would be a day to celebrate.

Niko knows the important stuff

"What would you like to eat tonight?" I asked Niko as I dropped him at nursery yesterday morning. "Chocolate." he replied, without thinking.

"I meant proper food," I explained, laughing.

"Oh," he said, "...then cake."

The reason for these questions was that yesterday was Niko's fourth birthday. I still have to pinch myself  when I say that. Four? When did that happen exactly? Niko, though, had no trouble believing it at all, and had been very excited about his birthday all week. Luca, being five (and not six until April) was slightly aggrieved that it was not his birthday, but made up for it by forcing Niko to say Happy Christmas to him instead.

All in all Niko seemed to enjoy his day. And at the very least I am proud to know that at the young age of four, Niko has already learned one of life's most important lessons.

"Proper food" is cake. Good boy Niko.....with an attitude like that you are going to live a long and happy life....