Ryanair - Europe's Biggest Rip Off?

You have been warned

We left Darlington at 1am this morning and drove through the night to Stansted airport for our flight to Tampere. Minttu slept all the way, but Saskia and I were both tired and very much looking forward to getting home to Finland. But then of course things rarely go exactly as you expect them to. Ryanair will always be Ryanair. The "Low Cost" airline that would charge you for breathing if it was legal.

In fact, while I am on the subject of Ryanair, let me write here what I know everyone else who has experienced Ryanair is thinking.

Ryanair calls itself a "Low Cost" airline. The truth though is that most fares are far from this by the time you have actually booked your ticket. Ryanair go out of their way to take as much money as possible from you from start to finish. I am sure they employ people for exactlty this purpose.

• During the booking process, Ryanair sneakily try and con you into buying insurance (that you don't need) by asking you to pick your country of residence, without it being clear that they are actually selling you insurance at this point. The "travel without insurance" option is well hidden in the list and you have to know it is there in order to avoid being charged. A lot of people end up buying insurance that they never wanted in the first place.
• Ryanair require you to print your own boarding cards, but if for some reason you are not able to do this, you are then charged 60 euros per person at check in. Why?  Not because Ryanair can't print your boarding cards themselves, but because this is another easy way to make money out of people.
• Most airlines give you a travel allowance, but Ryanair charge extra for every bag you check in. Beware though!You can choose to pay for a 15kg or 20 kg bag... but if you choose 15kg and then your bag is heavier, you are not allowed to upgrade at the airport. Why?  Because Ryanair know that people often underestimate the weight of their bags, and they thought this would be another fun way to make money out of people.
• It gets better though. If you do have excess baggage, Ryanair will charge you 20 pounds per kilo for it. Apart from cocaine or solid gold, how many items can you think of that cost that much per kilo to buy? Unless you have a bag full of gold bullion, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see who is being conned here. 
• When buying tickets,  if you book with Ryanair over the phone, you are charged for a premium rate phone service, even though you are buying a product from them. They advise you strongly to book over the net. OK. But then they still charge you an "on-line booking fee" even for doing this.  Why?  Because it is another way for Ryanair to make money out of you.
• For those travelling with young children, almost every other airline allows you to travel with a buggy and a car seat free of charge. Do Ryanair?  No. Ten euros per car seat in each direction. Why?....well you can guess the general theme here.
• And what about the flight itself? Well don't even get me started. It is like being a tourist in the middle of a Tunisian market place, only ten times worse. "Now we're selling scratchcards...why not treat yourself to a panini? Why don't you buy our latest calendar?" (who in their right mind wants a Ryanair calendar?) "Why don't you buy a tiny can of coke for the knock-down price of two euros?" (Only around ten euros a litre, considerably more than a bottle of good Bordeaux).  The relentless selling does not stop until you are literally taking your first step onto the stairs and thanking God that the flight is over. Ryanair will probably cotton on to this soon and start selling people prayer mats as they are walking down the aircraft stairs.
• Then of course there are the seats...uncomfortable, plastic, ugly, and no basket to store anything in, because that would be just too helpful to passengers.  

Please Minttu...don't apply for the Ryanair position. Please

There is much more of course. This is only half the Ryanair story, but I would need a whole book for the rest. I am thinking of starting a therapy group for those of you who have been similarly traumatised by the shambolic enterprise that calls itself an airline.

Anyway - having got through check-in (eventually), we were then stopped at security.  Hurray. They took so long almost arresting Saskia for daring to possess nail varnish (which was clearly a worldwide security threat) that we missed our flight. Yes, we missed it. And no, we were not shopping at the time, it really was the nail varnish. So here we are. Stuck at Stansted for another night, hopeful that we can get back tomorrow. (Last month Ryanair cancelled the flight completely along with sixteen others, due to one whole centimetre of snow having fallen.  This time they have only have charged us 220 pounds to transfer onto tomorrow's flight). I have tried hard to look for the positives in this story, and they have been quite hard to identify.  But there is one. It has given me the opportunity to say what I really think of Ryanair. Feel better after that.

I wish you all a lovely evening, and hope very  much that we are safely back in Somero tomorrow evening.

Moral of this story?  Use any airline in the entire world.... except one. I will leave you to guess which one I mean.