Life's Little Surprises

My cousin Tuula with Mum and Dad

At the end of each year I always take a little time to look back on the big events of the last twelve months. Now, with only two weeks left to go of 2012, I have to be honest and say that I am looking forward to seeing the end of it. Most years are eventful ones when you live in a big family, but I will always look back on this year as being an exceptionally hard one. We seem to have had one knock after another.

Minttu with her Grandad

But life has a habit of being unpredictable - and the fact that you can never be sure what is round the corner is one of the reasons that make it worth living.  What I have learned this year, is that although difficult things often happen, life also has wonderful surprises in store from time to time.

In September I celebrated my father's 90th birthday, who at the time was living at home with my mother. Just six weeks later, the health of my parents had deteriorated so rapidly that both of them had to be admitted into a care home. Neither of them could cope at home anymore. Doctors told me that my father does not have long to live, and my mother's memory is now such that most of the time she does not know who I am.

I have visited the home three times a day, sitting for many hours with my father talking about things which I will remember for the rest of my life. Last week it seemed as though the end was very near for him. He was so weak that he no longer got out of bed. Each time I left the room I would tell him that I loved him, in case it was the last time we ever saw each other. Most days he would tell both me and the nurses that he wanted to die.

And then all of a sudden, about three days ago, my father suddenly seemed to regain the will to live. He stopped talking about his own death. He not only got out of bed, but he even agreed to let me push him into town in his wheelchair. This is the first time he has come outside with me in four years!    

I am not being unrealistic. My Dad is still weak and very frail. The doctors suspect cancer, and his prognosis remains very poor. However, once more life has taken me by surprise, and this time in a very positive way. For some reason that nobody seems able to explain, a man who is ill and ninety years old went from talking about wanting to die, to suddenly wanting to come into town to see the Christmas lights with Minttu sitting on his knee.

I don't know how much longer I have left with my Dad, and I know it won't be long. But I can hardly put into words how grateful I am for these last memories of spending time with him, in a way which just a week ago I would never have predicted at all. When, in a fortnight, I write my list of the events of 2012, there will be some difficult things on it.  But the list will also include some of the best surprises (like this one) I could ever have wished for.  Those are the memories I will choose to take with me into 2013, with once again the hope of even better things to come.

Smiling Again

Minttu and Mummy up to mischief

After what can only be described as a rough week, today I made up my mind that things are now going to get better for our family. Full stop. And it started today.

I had messages from no less than twelve of my friends today - reminding me how lucky I am to have such special people in my life. So to all of you, in Finland, France, Columbia and the UK who got in touch today thank you for making me smile again!

I have lost a lot of things this year, but I still have wonderful children, irreplaceable friends and Somero, where I finally feel I belong. Our next step is to find our own house so that we have somewhere to call home again. Hopefully we will find the right place soon.

Amidst all the angst of recent times the planning for Christmas I would normally be doing at this time of year has practically passed me by. But today I caught up a little and made sure that the little ones will not be forgotten by Father Christmas in ten days time. Is it really only ten days until Christmas?

Anyway, for all Santa's little helpers out there, have a happy weekend and however bad things get, don't ever give up believing in a better tomorrow. I haven't.

Find Something Beautiful

If I told you how bad today had been you wouldn't believe it. It would sound like the plot to a bad novel. So I won't dwell on the details.

Instead, it was one of those days where it became particularly necessary to go out and look for something positive. So I made up my mind that I would find something beautiful today, no matter what. I had an interesting conversation about beauty over the weekend with my friend Simon - and we discussed what that word actually meant. I guess beauty is different to each of us. Some of is find certain objects beautiful, whereas others would not. And thankfully beauty in a person means something different to us all, as otherwise life would be tough for those of us not born with a face designed by the angels!

I have found out over the last couple of weeks, as I have sat with my Dad in hospital, that I am lucky enough to have a father who finds me beautiful. Even if he is the only person in the world who has this view, to me hearing it was priceless, and something I will remember forever. Especially on the bad days.

Anyway, as I left the house this morning, there, right in front of me, was a cobweb on the gate in the garden which had completely frozen.  It looked like something out of a fairytale. I found that symbolic somehow. Beautiful things are all around us, however many challenges life throws our way sometimes. And who knows?  Maybe even this story has a happy ending. We'll just have to wait and see.